None of the Immortals knew exactly how they would find
Kenny. Chicago was a rather large place, after all. But
plenty of daylight remained, and it was worth a try.
They'd just exited the airport into the chill air when
the Buzz hit them. They stopped and began searching through
the crowd for its source, wind whipping gently at their
clothing. Methos spotted the Immortal first.
"Bloody hell," he said under his breath.
Richie and Duncan heard him and turned to see who he was
looking at. Their mouths opened in shock as they saw Kenny
standing just 10 feet away. The snot-nosed child Immortal
shifted nervously from one foot to another.
"Look, I'm just here to get something I left behind,"
he said. "I didn't come for any of you."
"Well that's just too bad, isn't it?" Richie
sneered and took a step forward. "Because we have some
unfinished business to take care of."
Kenny backed up a few steps and held out his hands in a
staying gesture. "Wait, Richie. Just hear me out, OK?
I came back for one thing, and then I'm leaving."
"You're not leaving," Duncan said.
"Why not? Are you going to kill me?" Kenny asked
"You can't," Kenny said, using his best puppy-dog
expression. "It wouldn't be honorable. I'm just a kid.
And I haven't challenged you."
"Doesn't matter," Richie said, moving nearer
Kenny so they stood just two feet apart. "One way or
another, we're going to whack off your annoying little head."
"But I'm just a child."
"But the fans want you dead," Methos said in
a detached voice. "And we try to oblige the fans when
"Please, I just want to get my bear and leave,"
Kenny said, his eyes filling with tears.
"Your bear?" Duncan asked, puzzlement showing
on his face.
"Yeah, my bear. My teddy bear."
"You've got to be kidding," Richie said, laughing.
"You came back here just to get some stupid stuffed
"Mr. Snuggles isn't stupid!" Kenny yelled. "I've
had him for 200 years. He's my friend. I just want Mr. Snuggles."
With that, Kenny sat down and started sucking his thumb,
much to the amazement of Duncan, Richie and Methos.
"This can't be for real," Richie said, turning
back around to face his friends. "This has to be a
"Maybe not," Duncan said, sadness crossing his
"How can you possible believe his act?" Methos
asked incredulously, hands on his skinny hips.
"Because it reminds me of something -- "
"I thought you couldn't have any flashbacks."
"That's what I thought," Duncan said in wonder.
"But now I remember..."
"Now ye listen to me, boy, ye cannot have the doll.
Ye are too old for it," said Angus MacLeod to his son.
Duncan sat curled up on his bed, the ragged doll his mother
had made clenched between his dirty hands. He knew that
his father was right; at 12 years old, he shouldn't have
the doll. But it made him feel safe when his mother wasn't
around. And it seemed like he had fewer nightmares when
he slept with it.
"Please, father, let me keep it. I'll not be bad at
all if ye let me keep it," Duncan pleaded, but his
father shook his head and leaned over him. Angus wrested
the doll away from his son and crossed the room to the fireplace,
then threw the doll into the flames.
"No, no, father," Duncan cried, and ran to try
and rescue his doll. His father's strong grip prevented
him, and he could only watch the flames curl up and char
the cloth. "I want my dolly, I want my dolly..."
When Duncan's flashback stopped, he looked sheepishly at
Richie and Methos. Richie's face was a mixture of horror
and disgust. Methos' was, as usual, unreadable.
"Oh, Mac," Richie said, shaking his head. "A
doll? You got that goofy over a doll?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Duncan said
petulantly. "And while we're at it, Richie, tell that
fanfic writer that I'd rather have no flashbacks than those
kinds of flashbacks."
"Aw, what's the matter, Mac," Richie said in
a patronizing tone, patting Duncan on the head. "Would
Macky-Wacky feel all better if I bought him a dolly-wolly?"
Duncan swatted Richie's hand away and glared at him. "Knock
it off, Richie. We have more important things to think about,
like what to do with Kenny."
"I still say we kill him," Methos said quietly,
his eyes cold and calculating. "I don't need a reason,
and I don't really care if he's a child or not. He could
be teething and I wouldn't care."
"I thought you might feel that way," Kenny said,
standing up and withdrawing a gun from underneath his jean
jacket. Nearby pedestrians screamed and scattered into the
street. "But I thought the waterworks were worth a
try." He raised the gun and aimed it at Methos.
Richie had anticipated Kenny's sudden change of heart and
pivoted around, stepped up to Kenny and knocked the gun
up so it fired into the air. He then threw a vicious punch
that landed with a satisfying crack on Kenny's jaw, knocking
the boy out.
"Richie, are you insane?" Duncan asked.
Richie looked at him in surprise. "What are you talking
"That bullet is going to come down somewhere,"
Duncan said, and scanned the sky overhead. "Someone
could get hurt."
Duncan, Richie and Methos all looked skyward, waiting.
After a few minutes passed, they started playing rock, paper,
scissors. A loud ping interrupted; the bullet had hit a
nearby luggage cart.
"Hey," Richie said, pointing at the cart. "If
we hurry, we can haul Kenny off on that before the cops
come running -- "
"Too late," Methos said, smirking.
Two officers ran up to the trio and began asking questions.
Duncan told them that Kenny had tried to rob and then shoot
them, but Richie had saved the day. Richie smiled at that.
Only in fanfic did he get credit for saving the day.
"So if you're feeling that generous, does that mean
I can have sex now?"
"Sadist," Richie muttered as the cops handcuffed
Kenny and led him away.
"I feel cheated," Methos said petulantly, slumped
in a chair at their departure gate.
Duncan patted the eldest Immortal on the shoulder consolingly.
"Don't feel bad, Methos. We tried to get Kenny. It
just wasn't the right time. The fans will have to wait."
"But what if they think we're failures? What if they
don't like us as much?"
"You're just worried they won't give you anymore of
those hard-core sex scenes," Richie said sarcastically.
"Who are you to talk about a lack of sex?" Methos
Richie crossed his arms as a voice announced the pre-boarding
call for the Chicago to Miami flight. "Hey, at least
I didn't get pulverized during this fanfic. I even got to
be the hero. One day, she'll break down and let me have
"I would have settled for a beer. Or whacking off
that little urchin's head."
"At least Kenny's locked away somewhere where he can't
sucker anymore Immortals into his traps," Richie observed,
standing up as they called general boarding.
The three Immortals filed into line. None had first-class
seats this time, an obvious oversight on the part of TPTB.
As the line inched forward, a familiar voice piped up from
"Well, well, Scully. It's our friends from Denver
Duncan, Richie and Methos turned around to confirm what
their ears had already told them; the two FBI agents were
in line behind them.
"Um, I thought you were busy with that beheading case,"
"Something more interesting came up," Mulder
said, tossing a sunflower seed into his mouth.
"More interesting than people cutting off each other's
heads and strange lightning strikes?" Duncan asked,
Mulder nodded and spit out the sunflower seed shell. It
landed in Scully's hair. Mulder picked it out and tossed
it on the ground.
"There have been several fatal accidents reported
in the Key West area where victims who were pronounced dead
at the scene got up minutes later, apparently totally healed."
Richie coughed, Methos found something fascinating on the
carpet to stare at and Duncan nodded, his face neutral.
"Interesting," Duncan said. "Well, good
He turned around and headed down the walkway to the plane.
Methos followed directly behind him, and Richie brought
up the rear. Once they found their seats and settled in,
Richie tapped Duncan on the arm.
"You don't think they'll find out the truth about
us, do you?"
Duncan shrugged. "I don't know, Richie. Maybe. But
that depends on whether or not the fanfic writer decides
to do a sequel crossover story."
Richie rolled his eyes. "You just had to suggest it,
Mac, didn't you?"
<<Ooh, good idea.>>
Richie glared at the ceiling. "Oh yeah, great idea.
Just what we need is getting yanked into another fanfic
by you and getting stuck with those weirdo FBI agents again.
Well, I'm not going to do it. Not this time. Forget it.
I'm not even going to talk to you."
<<What if I told you there might be something...extra...in
it for you?>>
Richie grinned. "Well, if it's what I'm thinking,
count me in."